Inner Monologue of My Morning Bike Ride

Once upon a time, my bike commute took 15 semi-life threatening minutes during which I rarely had time to wake up, much less have any sort of profound thoughts. Turns out, though, that a nearly hour-long commute doesn’t inspire any profound thoughts, either. If I could live-tweet my morning commute, this is what I would say.

8:02 It’s cold. Why is it this cold. Gloves, no gloves? Gloves. Should I get a hat? I have a hat. Where is that hat? If you cleaned your room like a real person, Rachel, you wouldn’t have this problem. Why am I lecturing myself right now? Sheesh.

8:03 This hill never seems this big at night. Note to self: ask Wolfram where the gears on this bike are. Bike gears should not be hidden. But, I think I like this bike. I should name it. Boy/girl/hermaphrodite? Hmm, this bike is from Austria–Captain von Trapp?

8:07 Come on, idiot. I signaled! Don’t pretend nobody’s ever made a left turn at this intersection before.

8:15 Sweet, at Alte Allee already. Also, if there are chairs at a bus stop that translates to “Old Alley”, then I feel like that is a negative commentary on how long one might be expected to wait at said station.

8:20 Ugh, this intersection. Rach, remember when you got lost here? Yeah, that was dumb. Also, KFC, Germany? Really? But I do really like mashed potatoes, I should eat mashed potatoes more often. Yes. Note to self #2–buy potatoes.

8:22 Good choice with the gloves. What time is it? Am I going to be late? I’ll check my phone at the next intersection, if this slow man gets out of my way. How is it possible to take up different sides of the bike lane every three seconds? Don’t complain about the bike lanes, they’re awesome! Ok, passing you now, old man. Keep up the biking, though! Well done.

8:30 Okay, doing fine on time. Oh hai, Nymphenburg. You’re a pretty snazzy palace. Your walls are ugly. Too much grafitti. You do have a moat, though. But really, no one could pull any strings to get the ice cream shop INSIDE the castle walls? Monarchy = overrated for that reason alone.

8:31 Srsly, this road needs some directions on where everyone’s supposed to go. Bikers, runners, drivers, everyone all over the place! I mean, I could probably take a Smart Car if I really had to, but that would mean I would have to figure out how to use my health insurance. Let’s stay away from the vehichles, Rach.

8:40 Bike shops! Don’t stop. You cannot.afford.a.new.bike. Repeat. No.new.bike. Also, remember that time you wanted to name your bike Captain von Trapp? No decisions before 9:00, Rach, come on, did Sugar Creek teach you nothing?

8:45 Loewenbrau factory–that’s such a huge freaking lion for an okay beer. Fiberglass? Made in Sparta, maybe? Probably not. Almost there! Sweat check? Ugh. Let’s ditch the scarf. Good thing I’m wearing dark clothes.

8:50 Konigsplatz! Oh, you big, beautiful classical buildings. Stealing my heart every time. Oh, right. German speaking starts in T-minus two minutes. Start thinking in German!

8:53 Ok, lass ich hier mein Fahrrad. This is a joke, nobody can hear you. Hopefully, there’s coffee upstairs. Yay for biking! Yay for endorphins!

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